My newest favorite anime is Galaxy Railways by Leiji Matsumoto, probably most famous for the Yamato series/movies and Harlock. Like Galaxy Express 999, GR features trains flying in space. The main train, called Big One, is based in design on the Union Pacific Big Boy locomotive engines from the early 20th century. These trains were designed specifically to haul big freight loads over the Wasatch mountains between Salt Lake City and Ogden, Utah. The coincidence is this: my sort of step-dad (my biological mother's husband even though he never was legally my father) is a Union Pacific conductor on that very line.

Some pictures of coolness to illustrate:

Big One

Cooh, eh? I called him just to squee about it.

If I am going to stick with this experiment, I do think I need to get a paid account for more icons. Linden Grove is doing okay with that, so far.

Anyways, I promised content, didn't I?

You see, it was the weekend where Cantropos'' family kind of celebrates my birthday crushed together with Mother's Day. I'm the only birthday during this period and his aunt completely forgot, but since she'd probably have gotten me a sweater from Kohl's that didn't quite fit, I am okay with this. I didn't get much, but Cantropos says he's still brimming with a plan for my actual birthday later in the month.

For the mothers we bought a floppy sunhat for yard work for Cantropos' Grandma, and little note cards for his cousin's wife and aunt (who are moms) and chocolate for his stepmother, who is very cool. And what I recieved over two days was a very pretty oriental (coz  I can't tell which particular style) china teapot with four little cups, an afghan all my own in many colors, and a gift card to K-mart which we promptly used to buy a blender, which I will use to make smoothies this hot summer.

When I stop feeling panicked about work and housework, I really do hope to chase the creativity that is bubbling in the back of my head. I've been working a little on "A Lone Risk" again, though I haven't gotten a section near done yet. And wanting to draw a little. That last notion is strange for me, but maybe it's just because it's spring. I keep getting these romantic notions of sitting down by the river with a notebook or sketch pad in my lap. Silly me.

In the last week, 2 people dropped me from their f-lists without a word. Whatever. One, I'd be quite hurt by if she ever commented anymore. That's probably it. I can't say I don't care, but I'm too sick to care very much.

It's just a cold, I keep telling myself. I am tired and groggy from the medicine, so I wish I wasn't actually dizzy when not taking it. I took a shower today, which seems to have helped so far. We're almost out of tissue. I may have to send out a plea to a local friend to drop some by. It was clear and bright today. I was able to read on the couch without the lights being on,and until just a little bit ago, it was toasty warm in here. I still want to clear up the mantle and the area in front of the fireplace so that I can see if the chimney works and to decorate a little for the holidays.

Last night, I had about 2 hours of those rare B2B runs on ChaCha! I finally got over $90 in my account which means I am likely be finally paid in mid-January. But since I didn't dare get up to get a drink or anything, I was feeling pretty awful when I finally HAD to sign out around 11 p.m. I was having trouble typing properly by then. Money is still a problem around here, but I am trying to figure out some creative way out of the trouble.

I don't think I'm up talking about my grandfather's funeral. I didn't cry when I was typing up the entry yesterday, and that worries me. I still miss him terribly, but I think I am too sick right now to think about it all. Though, with any luck, I am over being angry about it. It's hard to tell.

We went to a cemetery service yesterday for Memorial Day. I cried all the way through it, because I realized early on that TODAY, the real holiday is also my grandfather's birthday. My grandfather who died 22 years ago, who raised me, who was a Green Beret. He would have been 82 years old today. His favorite hymn was Amazing Grace, which we played at his funeral. In NC, this tends to almost always be done by bagpipes. It was played yesterday by a string group, a quartet I think. I had a very hard time staying focused on what was happening at the moment, so lost I was in memories.

I have lost track of all the stories I've told my f-list about my grandfather. But for today, there is only one appropriate one. He seldom talked about his life as a soldier. He retired shortly after my second birthday. His final rank was sergeant-major. He served in Korea. While he was there, John Wayne was making a NCO tour to entertain the troops. Mr. Wayne couldn't get any rest in his assigned tent because everyone knew where he was and wanted to pester him. While he was with my grandfather's unit, he offered Mr. Wayne his own tent. No one would bother the sergeant-major's tent during the day, and of course, Mr. Wayne was resting while my grandfather was working.

That story always made me smile as a child. It was one of the very few stories he ever told. He even refused to answer the inevitable question about if he killed people. I'm sure he did. I still find it hard to imagine. My grandfather was a sweet, gentle, serious man.

Of all my family, I miss him the most.

I usually do this short term/long term goals assessment, but this year was so much 1 step forward, 2 steps back, it's a bit too depressing.

I survived December. That counts for much in my book. One more damned December in the rearview mirror. This December was the 10th year anniversary after my grandmother died, and 21 after my grandfather died. I miss him so much, and I still can't believe how angry I still am at her. It's... frightening. Almost.

There is hope for better things. Some people lost. Some people found, new and old.

And it's snowing again.

I got packages from Cori and Harry. And cards from Jesse, Dili and Clay. Earlier I got the card from Lise.

I still have a few cards to send out in round 2 of my own cards.

Lyra, Clay, and I know there are more.

And at least two people are going to get virtual presents, stories most likely though I wish my artistic talent worked on demand since there's  a picture I've wanted to draw for Harry for ages.

I got Chris' presents today, and hoping to find something for Cori before too long past Christmas.

And my puppets aren't done with their virtual shopping yet. Armand is usually diligent, but he's blanking on several people this year. We'll get something done by the New Year if we don't get Christmas down. And I need to figure out what Saetan got his children for Winsol, which was either yesterday or today (I haven't a proper calendar around).

Also, i almost got a chance to talk to the high school boyfriend on Googletalk. We had to run out the door, and he said he'd be back on Thursday which makes me think it's a work account.  Meep?!?

It's the ordinary life...

If he had lived, my grandfather would have been eighty on Friday. I'm still a bit surprised that I still mourn so strongly for a man who's been dead twenty years. I think it's because, for me, it hasn't been that long. He lived on in my dreams--such vivid, true and heartbreaking dreams--for many years after his death. I'm not sure when I had the last one, but I think he is finally gone, even from there. The last few were terrifying, almost out of science fiction, because some man had shown up, and they said it was him, but it wasn't him. I don't think I dreamed about him after that.

In the ordinary dreams, I would dream of him and wake up crying, not because the dream was sad but because when I woke up I would remember he was dead and that I couldn't just go see him anymore.

Yesterday I got to see the last few minutes of the new season Dr. Who episode "School Reunion" with Sarah Jane and K-9 and Anthony Stewart Head as the villainous headmaster. It made me cry. I saw like the first ten minutes today on YouTube, so now I'm just missing the middle though YouTube makes it hard to judge Tennant as the Doctor because the video is so choppy.

And Chris and I ran off to see the X3. ( Not really spoilers but... )

This has to be outside of the cut: stay to the end of the credits. It is very important!

In other news, Christian's dad and stepmom are taking me out for a late birthday dinner. I am a bit nervous. They know about the apartment thing and don't approve so I am fearing an uncomfortable dinner from hell like the one where me and tully_argyle announced our engagement to his parents.

One of the oldest major amusement parks in Myrtle Beach is closing down. It's not the one where the Swamp Fox is, but it is the one where me ane Rabs spent so much time at on our visit to Myrtle. That's where we took most of those pictures of me in the black sundress, and I won prizes for tricking the 'guess your age' man.

Pavillion Closing

Petition to Save the Pavillion

I found out from my 'real' father, Steve.

My grandfather used to always buy my grandmother a big box of Whitman's chocolates every Valentine's. She'd let him have a few, but she mostly liked them and ate them herself. He started buying me a box of them too, which I'd pick one or two out of--I am not the biggest fan of fancy chocolates with exotic filling--and he'd get to eat the rest. One year I thought to save him some money and asked him to buy me a bag of Hershey's Kisses instead. He seemed disappointed but did as I asked.

It wasn't until a year or so later I realized he bought the Whitman's for me so he could eat the ones I didn't. I think I bought him one one year, and after that he bought me both until the year he died.