Yesterday was interesting and sadly, not terribly fun. It was me and Cantropos's 4th anniversary, but we haven't time to celebrate. We mostly played a bit of Dynasty Warriors when he got home. We still can't get the last item at He Fei Castle. We killed all the officers we were supposed to last night, but missed something with the rams so no special item. It's a huge map and the officers spawn at the north east and north west respectively, and the rams are kind of several places. Frustrated. I did finish Xiao Qiao's musou mode, and it's darn annoying how she's portrayed there. After our disappointment at He Fei castle, we did a fan girl only (the Qiao sisters and two fan girl bodyguards) assault on an easier map just for fun. That was at the end of the night.

( wibble about Gilles and going to choir right afterwards )

Cantropos still hasn't heard about an interview from Rocky Mount. I am hoping good things for him, but the idea of moving so quickly terrifies me because of the housing issues. He wouldn't be going to NC except for me, but if I can't legally live with him, we can't afford to go at all. And I have no work here.

Not a lot of progress on NaNo yesterday, mostly coz of the Gilles thing. Maybe today will be better.

I dreamed I was in my childhood home in NC, visiting I hope. The house now belonged to the people we used to rent from and live above here in Rockford. There were penguins wading up to their necks in the water outside the kitchen window, and the daughter took a shower in the downstairs bathroom that left a huge puddle on the floor. The water wouldn't drain properly from the tub. The son told me the house was confusing, but when I told him I missed living there and wished it was mine again, he kind somersaulted up the stairs and said it was cool anyway.

And still behind but moving along: 12756/50000. The villain is skanky.

This is very hard to write.

I'm going to have to do something rather drastic to close a door to the past that shouldn't be opened again. This is something that is usually very hard for me under any circumstances. I can put toys and pictures and other things into a box and hide them away until they don't hurt, but i can't put away something that I see every day.

My entire online identity is based on a nickname she gave me. Fox. ReynardBleu. Sam Fox. They have to go. Sam is from my grandfather, so I'm proud and happy to keep that. That never belonged to her alone.

As soon as I get a rename token I'm going to use it, because I'm still too much of a "pack rat" to give up this journal entirely. So I'll rename it. And I'm moving my gaming gmail to dame dot grise at gmail dot com.

I'm tired of running into this pain when I'm already low and depressed and struggling. I want my emotional life back. It's only fair to Christian.

I'm also going to be giving up Henry's journal (henry_linden) and eventually finish the tedious cleaning up at Diaryland. Posts will now be transferred to invisible_choir. I think in some ways I may be giving Henry up too, eventually. He's not been a big part of my creative life for some time.

I'll need to redesign the journal and get a new default icon. Anyone artistic or wise in the way of LJ layouts want to help? I'm stubborn. I stick with things past all reason. Anything you do will be here to stay, or wherever I go, for years to come.

I don't know what else this will affect yet. I'll keep you updated.

I found candles, eventually, at the religion bookstore. Thanks for all the suggestions.

I haven't had a great couple of weeks. In ways that it's hard to talk about. Still, I suppose it's better than other Decembers.

Last night, I deleted a bunch of puppet journals: Gideon Prewett (it_took_five), Spyro (bratty_wings), Lucca (lucca_rowan), Rosier (thorny_beauty}, and Charles Jeanne (hero_of_july).

I'm seriously thinking about dropping Pasha and Terisa from desperatefans, and Talia from desperatescreen. I haven't made up my mind yet.

I don't want to think too much.

you feel sorry for the monsters at damned. Not all the monsters, just the feline one that got its head smushed last night. *weeps*

Generally, things have calmed down a bit. There's evidence the landlords are working on the hot water/cooking gas situation. The house stinks from all the icky floodwater.

There was a thunderstorm last night that scared the crap out of me. I was asleep, and its approach woke me up. I insisted Christian sleep in my bed last night, and was eventually able to get back to sleep myself.

It's too early to think.

There is definately something wrong. Everytime someone from DF contacts me on IM (and lately there's few other ways to reach me since I don't go on IRC much anymore), I get all tense and defensive because I think they're gonna yell at me about something. It's not fair! I have friends there. They can say hi for no reason, and they do, but I'm still weeping and worried everytime I get an IM.

I'm not dead.

I've been a bit depressed all week long, which means I've been hiding by watching my new DVD over and over and making screen caps and doing stupid things like comparing people's relative heights.



Gah, my head works in stupid ways.

But yeah, that's where I've been. I will emerge someday. The idea of chat just makes me wibble right now, so I haven't been going in even when I had time.

1. People suck.

2. My boyfriend rocks.

3. Revolutionary Girl Utena saves lives. Does anyone know a fair place to RP anime? My inner Akio wants out.

4. Meme stolen from taskir

( Movies what? )

It's either pms or a total existance failure.